Hating Yet Loving Emmett
by mybigteddybearemmett
Summary: Edwards been in love with Emmett his whole life, what could Em possibly do to mess that up? Entry for the pick a pic challenge!


**Pick A Pic Challenge  
Title: Hating Yet Loving Emmett  
Penname:mybigteddybearemmett/iwishiwasesme  
Banner: #78  
Rating/ Disclaimer: M excessive language and mentions of lapdances. I don't own Twilight!  
Summary: Edward's been in love with Emmett for as long as he can remember.  
To see all the stories that are a part of this contest please visit: www .fanfiction-challenges. blogspot. com**

I couldn't fucking believe it. He brought me to a _titty_ bar. You would think he would have figured out by now that I'm gay. Not only do I happen to be gay, but I'm in love with Emmett, the person who brought me to the titty bar. I close my eyes, trying to block out the naked women walking all around us.

"Eddie, what the hell? You came to look at the ladies not the insides of your eyelids." He bumped my shoulder. When I finally dared to open my eyes, I saw his shit eating grin that never failed to instantly make me hard. His shaggy, dark hair was a mess, and his steel eyes dancing with amusement. I turned my head and was bombarded by dozens of topless girls. _Better than a cold shower_, I chuckled to myself. At least if I was here I wouldn't have to worry about getting aroused. I grabbed my gin and tonic and chugged it, looking for the comfort that only alcohol can bring.

A petite blonde came up to me and asked me if I wanted a lap dance. I almost spit my drink out. _Where are these people's gaydars?_ I ordered another drink and tried to act invisible, hoping the women wouldn't come on to me again. The place was packed full of horny, married men that told their wives stories just to get out of the house. There were even some senior citizens in the crowd. I shuddered at the thought of Gramps at a strip joint.

I looked over at Emmett and was surprised to see him watching me contently. My brow rose in question, but Emmett just shrugged as if to say, 'Yeah I'm starin' at you, so what'. Emmett confused me. He brings me to a strip joint, tells me to look at the girls, yet there he was staring at me with a faraway look in his eyes. As if, he wasn't even sitting here with me. Walking to the bathroom, I splashed water onto my face and look in the mirror. _What am I doing here, why am I pretending to be something I'm not?_ Giving myself a pep talk, I started to walk out of the restroom when I spotted Emmett getting a lap dance by a redheaded slut. My resolve dissipated as I looked at the sight. My heart felt like it had been torn in half then ran over by a semi-truck. I silently slipped out the front and pulled my cigarettes out. Lighting one up, I took a puff and instantly became relaxed. The cool night air mixing with the smoke left me in a Grey haze.

I pulled out my cell phone and checked if I had any messages, hoping to delay going back in there for as long as possible. Surprisingly Emmett had texted me.

**Dude whered U go the partys just startin. **

I can't believe I even agreed to coming here. I was miserable and I couldn't even bear the thought of leaving, fearing that if I would Emmett would hate me. It was irrational but that's what fears are. I finally texted him, saying I was tired and was going home. Not even waiting for a response, I hailed a taxi and started on the way home.

The ride was quiet and peaceful. I paid the driver and unlocked to door to my apartment, slipping my jeans off and just flopping onto the bed. I felt miserable yet I still loved him. I bet he could even kill my dog and I would still love him. Turning on the tv, I set it to a random channel and stared at the ceiling. I can still see that whore grinding on his lap. Feeling sick to my stomach, I heaved the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl. Leaning my head against the toilet seat, I groaned, feeling nasty and germy. I took my clothes off and dragged myself to the shower. Then brushed my teeth. Putting on my flannel pajamas I dive under the cover and immediately fall asleep.

_Knock knock knock_

_ Shit there's someone at the door at …..4 in the fucking morning,_ I grumbled, getting up and put my robe on I opened the door and was getting ready to yell at someone for waking me up in the middle of the night but then I noticed who was on the other side of the door. It was Emmett, and he looked pretty fucking remorseful. Ushering him in, I asked if he was drunk or high, and he replied with 'not enough'.

"Emmett, tell me the truth, why are you here?" I sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. I didn't need his shit and certainly not this early in the morning.

"I came to tell you I'm sorry and that I know I fucked up. You'll never believe me but I'm in love with you." Crickets were all I heard as I tried to comprehend what exactly Emmett was speaking about. "I mean come on! Earlier tonight you were practically dry humping that slut. While you knew I was uncomfortable and jealous. Why the fuck would you put me through that shit?"

Emmett surprised me leaning forward and kissing me. What he didn't expect though was my response. I slapped him then started yelling. "Get the fuck out of my apartment! I never want to see you again, you lying piece of shit!"

I slammed the door in his face and ran to my room, tears streaming down my cheeks. _How could he? If he truly loves me, he wouldn't have been able to look at those women?_ I wonder how long he thought he could string me around only to cut the string when he got bored. Pulling out my cell phone, I called the only person I'd ever met that had had a relationship fail and still managed to come out of it stronger than when she went into boot camp; Tanya.

The phone rang for a while before she answered, still sobbing I croaked out a 'Tanya' before I whimpered and fell to my knees.

"Edward? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I was able to croak out one last word, "Emmett."

"I'll be right there." She hung up, and I laid down on my side, feeling numb with my heart breaking. Reaching out, I grabbed my teddy dog, Mr. Snuggles, and pull him to my chest. Then remembering where I got him, I sobbed harder.

_It was the first day of the state fair and we were six. Both of us had just gotten our allowances and were excited to ride all the rides, not realizing that we weren't tall enough. All we could ride on was the Ferris wheel. We were bummed so we just walked around with his parents. Then, all of a sudden, someone ran into me and walked away. I started crying because my hands were scraped. As soon as Emmett's parents helped me up, he ran up to the boy and hit him while yelling, at him to '_Leave my best friend alone'_. _

_ Emmett's parents ran up to him and scolded him, making him buy the little boy a stuffed animal with his allowance. He pouted but went and bought him something anyway. The teddy dog was tan with a light brown snout and ears. He was so beautiful that I was instantly envious of the boy. All the way from where I was sitting, I could see him throw the teddy on the ground and run away, yelling that he '_didn't want the stupid thing'._ I immediately ran up to Emmett and picked up the teddy dog. I looked up at Mr. and Mrs. McCarty with pleading eyes and asked if I could have him. They, of course, said yes, and I hugged them, jumping up and down with excitement. _

_ "I'll call him Mr. Snuggles," I grinned, happy with my name for him._

That was a good memory, even if I had horrible taste in names. Looking up, I saw Tanya looking down at me with narrowed eyes.

"What the fuck did he do now?"

"He told me he loved me," I replied, my eyes glued to her shoes.

"And...?" She looked confused.

"He had just gotten home from a strip club that he had insisted on taking me to. I saw him pay a woman for a lap dance. For God's sake, he can't love me. If he loves me, he wouldn't have been able to look at that skank." She looked shocked but became sympathetic. That was the expression I hated the most, especially from her. She knew it too for as soon as she looked at my reaction, she put on a calm face and spoke to me in a soothing tone.

"It's probably just a misunderstanding. You've been through a rough night, both of you."

"Misunderstanding my ass. I told him to get out of my house. I can't be friends with someone that can break me so easily." The rage in me was coming forth. I stood up, grabbed the lamp from my inside table and threw it toward the other side of the room. It crashed into the wall and shattered into a million pieces. Sighing, I walked to the kitchen closet and grabbed the broom. Sweeping up the broken pieces, I realized the similarities between the lamp and I. We both were shattered and we needed help. Both lost in a sea of nothingness. Looking over at Tanya, I groaned. She was sitting on my bed looking at her hands, upset.

"I'm sorry Yaya. I just need time to grieve. Heck, I've been in love with him for my whole life!"

"I think you should spend some time apart, Ed. My piece of advice is to take some time for yourself. You have to love yourself before you can love others."

"Fuck, are you trying to get all Yoda on me?" As I said this, she threw her head back and laughed, a real laugh, that came from the stomach. I couldn't stand it any longer. I started giggling along with her.

Clutching my stomach, I sat down next to her on the bed and wrapped my arms around her waist. Setting my head on her shoulder I asked, "Will this feeling get better?"

"I promise." Turning around in my arms, she hugged me back. "It will take time but you will heal."

"Stay with me tonight," I pleaded her, not wanting to be alone.

"Anything for Eddie-poo."

Groaning, I glared at her. "You know you're the only one to call me that right? I would kill anyone else for saying that..."

"Yep," she replied smugly. Rolling my eyes, I untangled myself from her embrace and got under the covers. She followed me, spooning against my back.

"When are you planning to come out to everyone I mean?" Turning around, I looked into her eyes before deciding then.

"Right now." Walking over to my laptop, I signed into my Facebook account and gasped as I saw what _he_ posted on my wall.

_I love you. I'll wait as long as it takes to get you back._

Feeling tears in my eyes, I clicked on my friends tab, and seeing his name, I click on it. I typed him a simple message; _Leave me alone, asshole. _Then blocked him. Clicking back to the homepage, I typed out three words; _I am gay. _Now all 700 of my friends would know. Hearing a gasp behind me, I turned around and saw Tanya with a hand pressed to her mouth. Walking over to her, I wrapped my arms around her and she sobbed into my shoulder.

"It's okay Yaya, this is for the best. I needed to come out. No time better than the present huh?" She giggled, and I sighed. I felt relief come over me by telling everyone. I decided then that I better hide out for a few days, lay low for a while. Yaya looked up to me and said, "I am so fucking proud of you Ed. That is so brave."

I smiled, glad that she wasn't mad at me. This was for the best, of that I was certain. I could live an open life and be normal. I was exhausted from everything that had happened, so I grabbed Tanya and headed to the bed. Laying down and pulling her with me, and I said. "Night, Yaya."

"Night, Ed." Lying in bed, I knew things were going to change for the better.

A/N thanks to the wonderful SinsofLethe for Beta'ing!


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